So, this is kind of a blast from the past. This blog, this whole idea of a blog, is stupid. It is a waste of my time. So you non-existent readers might be wondering, "If it is so stupid why do you have a new post?" Well that is a fantastic question smart ass. The reason I am posting on this computer (yes, it is a computer, not a fucking forest on a journey or some shit) is because I have exhausted my complaining resources. I have complained and complained to all my friends that I'm afraid if I complain anymore they will give up on me and leave. But then a more bleak thought emerges. I've already given up on myself. So I shall now complain to you, the faceless internet, in the hopes of a miracle.
You see, I have made a lot of progress since this blog started. I have a new life free from the obsesive thoughts of jenn (yes I have said her name). I found happiness in myself and I was even in a play. However, I may have made too much progress. I have found a new girl. Julene. She, some reason, has invaded my thoughts. When I see romance and couples I don't think of jenn. I think of Julene. But this brings up the problem that I am now facing... flirting.
I am a stereotype. I am the nerd who doesn't know what the fuck to say in front of a pretty girl, but with a catch. The truth is I know exactly what to say. I am smart funny and I can be quite flirtacious, but when I see her I FORGET EVERYTHING. I devolve to a sixth grade boy who blushes at the thought of a kiss. I want nothing more than for this to work out, but I don't think it can. I just fail, and fail, and fail continuously. IT TOOK ME TILL TODAY, to figure out that when I text her I don't need an excuse to do it, I just need to say "hey, how are you?" and that was AFTER MY BEST FRIEND TOLD ME. I lose all my common sense. I need my hand to be held every fucking step of the way. I feel like a grandfather with alzheimer's. Although, it may be too late. It's a little strange. She will comment on stuff on facebook, but I txted her exactly that and she never replyed. I may have fucked up my first date so badly that it was over before it began.
But, there may be a silver lining. 1) She may feel like she screwed up and that could be what is strange with her. 2) I should be doing it my own way, instead of asking for advice. 3) I should tell her how I feel so I stop obsessing over it. 1 or all 3 of these options may be the real story. I don't know. Till I find out I guess I will try, try, and try again.
