I just had a breakdown. After all the thoughts that the girl has left me with came to fruition simultaneously I broke down crying on the path. I screamed to the heavens and I cursed her out. She was the best part of my life and now she is the worst. She spurns me and does not know it. She hurts me deeper than any wound I have endured and she hasn't a clue. I can't tell her because she is too far away and I am lost with no way to find the start. My biggest fear is that when our paths cross again my heart will be so full of hatred that the moment will be lost and I will make one of the biggest mistakes of my life. My greatest hope is that our paths cross soon. Soon, before my blind anger takes over again.
This adventure has done a number on my body and soul. I am not the man I used to be. I am something savage, irrational and broken. I am not alright. I feel like I want to destroy, mutilate, and hurt something. I feel like I want to have sex with someone just to spite her, whether I enjoy it or not. They say it is all in my head. They are probably right, but I can never know or come to that conclusion. My mind has started go as I wander deeper into the wilderness. I no longer have my environment to worry about. My mind is now my biggest enemy and no one is there to help me. I am truely alone.
