I'm tired of feeling shitty. Plain and simple because that's all I feel all the time. I can only ever get her out of my head for about a half hour at most. You know it's sad when you can't have a good time partying at your best friend's university campus (I did this last night) for the sole reason reason that his campus looks too much and is too close to her campus. That's when you know for sure you have a problem.
My problem is that I care about her too much. Not only that, but I care about what she thinks too much. She no longer has any say in what I do. She gave up that priveledge. It shouldn't matter to me what she is thinking because we aren't together anymore. I have been trying too hard to get this friendship going again, when the onus should deffinately NOT be on me. It should be completely her responsibilty to get this friendship going because since she vroke up with me this is obviously her fault. Also because she told me that there was absolutly nothing I could have done to prevent this break up, so why am I trying?
From now on I will not talk to her. I will not message her and I will not try to get in touch with her. I am completely willing to make this work, but this time it must be her to take the first step. This is the way it should of been in the first place because it is her responsibilty to prove to me that even though she broke up with me, I still matter to her. She needs to prove to me that she cares what I think and really wants to be my friend because that's what I've done for her. She hasn't done this yet. So far I have always been the person to make the first move. I'm not going to make it easy for her anymore. That doesn't mean I'm going to make it harder. I'm not going to make it harder for her. That is actually the last thing I want to do. I am just going to make it the way it should be; her making this friend ship work. This is her turn now.
